So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
