We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
