Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can text with my tongue
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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