I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
