He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize