I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
