totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
