You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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