he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
