just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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