So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
