i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
