Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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