I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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