Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize