yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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