And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
