Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
