This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
