She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
