There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
