i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
