are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
