Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
