I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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