So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
