I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
