Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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