As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i've created a new STD.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
