Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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