either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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