I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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