Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
