I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
