Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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