I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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