her vagine was all disorganized.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
