guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize