So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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