The maid of honor just puked.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize