LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
