I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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