did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
