Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize