Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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