R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
id be glad to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
