Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
