note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
