Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize