How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I pour the whiskey from now on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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