and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
