If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
