but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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