I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I forget how to act sober
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
