HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
