Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
