You can't special order awesome
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
