cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you traded sex for a burrito?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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