I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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