When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
