I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize