watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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