Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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