I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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