im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
